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about Clark Schpiell Productions :: a great American saga
Clark Schpiell Productions was begun by David Nett in early 1998. The site was originally meant to be a mock-fan site of David's high school satire-band, Clark Schpiell and the Furry Cockroaches Without Butts, and would be maintained and written by David and the band's other ex-members. Yeah -- we know. It was the beginnings of the internet age, okay? We were feeling out this new medium, okay?

Since that time, CSP has undergone several facelifts, and has moved from it's humble (read: lame-ass) roots to a full-featured online magazine, offering a broader range of humorous and serious essays, reviews and artwork, as well as an online store, with more features always in the works. CSP is now a creative clearing-house for its members, all of whom are extraordinarily multi-talented individuals, and is unique on the web for offering such a wide range of humor and non-humor content all in one package.

about the CSP Staff :: world-champion tiddlywinkers

thorin thorin alexander:: writer
Thorin's hippie mum named him after Thorin Oakenshield (the Dwarven leader in J.R.R. Tolkien's the Hobbit). The only thing that kept him from getting his ass kicked in high school is the fact he's seven feet tall. No shit -- seven feet tall. He's a bit of a masochist (he's going to college right now AND he just got married), and he's a killer playwright and dramaturg.
email thorin :: stories by thorin

craig craig bridger:: writer
Craig is an actor, a writer and -- sadly -- a bartender in NYC. If you're in town, you just might catch him performing his acclaimed solo show, Co-ops & Kryptonite! Craig studied English at UC Davis and Acting at S.M.U. He likes poetry, long walks on the beach and he has big plans for all the cool stuff he's going to write for Clark. Man, so much cool stuff. You wouldn't believe it if he told you. Craig lives in Brooklyn with the most beautiful woman in the world (who also happens to be his fiancee) and a really fat cat.
email craig :: stories by craig

jason joseph carson:: writer
Joseph lives in Seattle, where he's getting his PhD and working on various novels, screenplays and music projects. He grew up in DeSmet, SD and Burlington, NDS, and holds a BA from Minot State University and a Masters in Playwriting from the University of Texas. Despite somewhat mal-formed ears and a hideously oversized tongue, Joseph (as Jacob Carver) is an accomplished singer/songwriter, and can often be seen playing in coffee houses and open-mikes in the Pacific Northwest.
email joseph :: stories by joseph

eli eli chartkoff:: writer
Eli is a writer/artist/animator/musician who met David during the LbP production of Jack Cracker, Viking Slave Detective, which he co-wrote. Eli has written several plays, his own internet radio series (Robot High School), Monsieur Gustave, and fronts the killer band the Monolators. It is important to note that his wife, Mary, is far more likable and talented than Eli, but she had better things to do with her time, so we settled for him.
email eli :: stories by eli

jeremy jeremy groce:: writer
Jeremy is currently in East Africa, where he's the programming advisor to a shortwave radio service aimed at encouraging peace and development in that part of the world. He grew up in DeSmet, SD and Burlington, ND, he's got a BSE in English from MSU, and has taught English in Taiwan and in West Africa (where he spent three years with the Peace Corps). Jeremy speaks somewhere near 100 languages, including several Chinese dialects and Klingon, so he's our official communications director.
email jeremy :: stories by jeremy

kari kari larson:: writer
Kari is another stalwart North Dakotan, currently residing in the slightly-less-frozen Minneapolis area with her daughter and main-squeeze, Dustin. Kari spends her time working, writing, dreaming of Trent Reznor, and maintaining her blog. While she did go to high school with Kirk, she has long since washed all that stank off of herself.
email kari :: stories by kari

dr. m christopher martinsen:: tech consultant, writer
After college, Christopher got out of North Dakota so fast it left our heads spinning. He lives near Portland, and works as a SysAdmin for a tech company. He's got his BS in Chemistry from MSU. Though he was once the bespectackled, bookish Valedictorian of the DLBHS class of 1991, he's now a long-haired hippie who spends as much time at String Cheese (they're some kind of hippie band) concerts as he does in front of a computer.
email christopher :: stories by christopher

michelle michelle magoffin:: writer, copy editor
Michelle loses small pieces of her soul daily working as a Product Manager for an Internet company. In her off time, she pretends to make progress on a novel, a screenplay and a memoir. In a premature mid-life crisis, Michelle has recently discovered the joys of MySpace, two-seater convertibles and barely legal Latin lovers.
email michelle :: stories by michelle

chris chris nett:: web engineer, writer
Chris is the only one of us who had the balls to stick it out in Minot, ND, near where we all grew up. He's got his BS in Chemistry from Minot State University, is a network operations engineer there, is recently engaged, and just bought a cool-ass house AND a new car. But, what Chris really shines at is Frisbee Golf or, "Frolf." Seriously.
email chris :: stories by chris

david david nett:: webmaster, editor in chief, creative director, writer
David is an actor in LA, and works as a web designer for a dot-com company to pay the bills. He grew up in Burlington, ND, and got his BFA in Acting from UMD. He's been caught in the dot-com whirlwind since '96, and has been a contributor to ViaWorldNetwork, Stamps, eToys, NetZero and Homestore, but has nothing to show for it except carpal tunnel and a disdain for wearing anything but shorts and t-shirts to work.
email david :: stories by david

rick rick robinson:: writer
Rick grew up in the Pacific Northwest, and attended college near Los Angeles. He's recently moved south of the Orange Curtain, and is teetering on the brink of becoming a Republican. Fear that. After reading so many of his great screenplays and plays (and performing in a couple of the latter), David couldn't resist asking Rick to write for the site. Surprisingly, he said yes, and even sounded genuinely enthusiastic. Whoda thunk it?
email rick :: stories by rick

kirk kirk roos:: writer
Kirk is another of those beautiful bastards from Minot, North Dakota. Ater a long life on stage and screen (often, early on, with David, Chris, or of the Groce boys), in the Midwest and then sunny (and seedy) Los Angeles, Kirk moved back to Nodak to procreate and become a responsible adult. He currently runs a media production company in Minot, and continues his work as an actor, writer, videographer and independent film producer.
email kirk :: stories by kirk

kari carrie rossow:: writer
She cooks! She bakes! She acts! She produces and edits independent films! She can speak with a flawless Irish brogue! Carrie met David in the BFA acting program at the University of Minnesota in Dulth. When she's is not slaving away at her day job, cleaning up various feline bodily fluids, pumping water out of her basement, buried in Duluth snow up to her hoo-hah or snuggling with her fiancee, she's doing one of the various activities listed above or editing her blog.
email carrie :: stories by carrie

jeanette jeanette scherrer:: writer
Jeanette imagines herself to be the youngest and most attractive contributor to CSP. She is a writer/director/actor and is one of the founding members of Lucid by Proxy (along with David and Rick). She spends most of her time sitting at home alone talking to her cats, who lovingly ignore her in return.
email jeanette :: stories by jeanette

chad chad schnaible:: writer
After getting his BA in English, Chad left the wilds of North Dakota for big city life in, um, Mississippi. Now he lives in Los Angeles, and plays basketball each week with David. When he plays he wears a headband. It doesn't help. He'd like to give a shout out to Angie -- not because he wants to acknowledge his wife, but rather because the handcuffs are beginning to really hurt, and the basement is quite dark.
email chad :: stories by chad

about our content :: when we do that thing we do
Oh -- one last thing: much of CSP's content is satire -- if you see famous names, faces or logos, it is all in fun. Also, we have been known, at times, to work a little "blue," so if you are sensitive to slang terms for genetalia, four-letter words or midgets, consider yourself forewarned.

Sam Brown's Red Robot stars in this classic essay.
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

all original content ©Clark Schpiell Productions, ©David Nett, ©Christopher Nett, ©Christopher Martinsen, ©Jeremy Groce, ©Joseph Carson, ©Chad Schnaible, ©Rick Robinson, ©Eli Chartkoff, ©Thorin Alexander, ©Craig Bridger, ©Michelle Magoffin, ©Jeanette Scherrer, ©Kirk Roos, ©Carrie Rossow or ©Kari Larson.